SL Fashion Police

There I am, innocently rocking out to my good friend Nexeus Fatale’s mix, when out of the corner of my eye, I spy a little nudity.  And it’s not the good kind either.  So I put my superior camera shopping skills to work to follow the trussed-up nude around until she finally stopped long enough for me to get a really good picture (front and back )

The first picture is actually rather disturbing, in a number of ways. 

Since there are so many things with this picture that makes my cat cry, I thought I’d go from top to bottom, then point out THE MOST DISTURBING THING I’VE EVER SEEN!

The hair.  Actually, the hair is not disturbing in and of itself, but it’s a big contradiction to the rest of the “ensemble.”  I’ve even shown hair that crazy on my own self, so it’s not so bad.  But the two pieces way at the top don’t look textured very well, unless my camera was a little blurry from the shaking and sobbing when I was forced to witness this abomination.

I won’t even really say anything about the cow-like ring through the nose.  God knows what those Goreans and BDSM people are up to (I have spent some time in and around this society – not Gorean – and I’ve found that quite a few “Masters” are playing around with something they don’t really understand.  Maybe this is some sort of statement?  I dunno, but I suspect the statement is “Run.  Run as fast and as far away as you can.”

The boobs are lovingly harnessed into some bad horror show of a halter? bra? Whatever it is, it highlights the shading rather unfortunately, and makes it seem like they’re completely independent of the rest of the body.  And what in the world is dangling off of them?  They don’t look like piercings, they look like earrings.

Ok, it’s bling.  Everyone put on your protective goggles before looking directly at it.  But not only is it bling, it’s random bling that makes no sense whatsoever.  What in the world is that?  I have been looking at this picture for like 5 days now, and I still can’t get a handle on what that is.  It’s safe to say it should not ever be worn.  Ever.

The most scary part of the entire look is dangling between her legs.  What the hell is THAT!!!?  I heard a term the other day that I had never heard (and google brought up some seriously scary and deranged pictures so I am not going to mention the term here), but that is ecactly what it looks like.  Why is it so big?  I can’t even think of how else to describe it except ask what the hell?!

The back is not as bad or as alarming as the front, but I am having a hard time picturing the boob harness attached to a big wide bow in the back.  It just doesn’t compute.

Am I just being a prude, wanting sexual stuff to stay in private and definitely not when I am out shopping or something else equally as innocuous as that?  Come on guys, help me out here!

~Sgt. Phoenix